A Submarine that Cannot Dive

This might sound like an April Fool's joke, but today is not April 1.

According to Malaysia's Defence Minister, Ahmad Zahid Hamidi, Malaysia's first submarine cannot dive. At least for now.

Wait, I hear you ask - what's the point of buying a new submarine that cannot dive? Isn't a submarine's sole purpose to dive?

It's like buying a fish that cannot swim, or a bird that cannot fly. Actually, Malaysia also has a plane that cannot fly (plane engines sold off to another country) but that's another story!

Malaysia bought two submarines for $3.4 billion ringgit in a controversial deal that involved a payment of 540 million ringgit to a close associate of Prime Minister Najib Razak; at the time of the deal, Najib was Malaysia's Defence Minister. This deal reportedly also led to the death of an attractive Mongolian model, Altantuya, who was shot and her body blasted using military grade explosives.

Now, wouldn't you like to get a commission payment of half a billion ringgit simply for brokering a deal? This might be the greatest commission ever earned in the history of the world! Perhaps Malaysia should apply to have this commission recognised in the Guinness Book of World Records.

As if spending half a billion ringgit as a commission for a submarine is not enough, now the submarine cannot dive.

Malaysia has a term for all of the above - "Malaysia Boleh", and as you can read above, Malaysia certainly can (excel in incompetency).